Obscene Thoughts: A Pornographer's Perspective on Sex, Love, and Dating by Dave Pounder

Author:Dave Pounder [Pounder, Dave]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2013-06-12T22:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 11

The Relationship Dance:

What We Each Want

“There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved.”

~George Sand

WHILE PERHAPS CRASS AT TIMES, COMEDIAN CHRIS ROCK HAS A ROUTINE THAT SPEAKS DIRECTLY TO THE DIFFERENCES EXPERIENCED BY MEN AND WOMEN WHEN ENGAGED IN DATING, A RELATIONSHIP, OR MARRIAGE. To paraphrase Mr. Rock, women want food, water, and compliments; men say, “feed me, fuck me, and shut the fuck up.” Not every relationship equals this logic, but dating and relationships require much more than the carefree fun or attraction usually experienced at inception. In order for a relationship to be deemed successful, it requires a certain understanding of evolved gender-specific sexual preferences and strategies.

Women typically fall in love with men faster than men fall in love with women. By and large, this is due to the fact that most women are not as selective as men when it comes to choosing a partner. For most women, the man is deemed relationship material if he is successfully employed, kind, moderately attractive, in decent shape, personable, confident, independent, and shows an interest in her.

Men are not very selective when it comes to sex (i.e., low-investment sex), but when it comes to “investment” sex (i.e., the possibility for relationship or love), then men are very selective, not unlike purchasing a dream home as opposed to renting an interim apartment. Not only must the woman be attractive and in shape, but she also needs to have similar food and music tastes, life goals, shared political and religious ideologies, etc., in order for a marriage to work. Why? Because men don’t like the idea of commitment, so they expect a woman to be near perfect before they will consider her to be the one.

For a number of reasons, women have to be careful when they consider entering into a relationship with men. Many men often will tell women they want to commit even though they have no intention of committing. This is merely a strategy to pursue more low-investment sex as women respond well to men who claim to want a commitment with them. But, when a man finds a woman he truly loves and to whom he wants to be “committed,” it is very difficult for him if she ends the relationship. This is because he knows it will be a long time before he finds another comparable mate since not many women are both beautiful and in shape, while sharing most of the man’s preferences for music, food, and lifestyle. Women, however, know that it’s relatively easy to replace a man. After all, women only need a handful of criteria to be happy and satisfied. If a man leaves them, they still are hurt, but it’s much easier for a woman to meet another comparable man, assuming she still is young, fit and attractive.

Often, a woman will date a man for several years without receiving a marriage proposal. This same man will meet another woman, break up with his current girlfriend, and propose to the new woman within a few months of meeting her.

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